Judgement Day & Insecurities

Today, was what you may call, my judgement day; by this, I mean, I was introduced to a new group of friends, and had to endure the rather terrifying horror of having to introduce myself to them. Hopefully, I gave off a good first impression, and an eccentric mien. However, I cannot help but feel that today really wasn't my day.

Usually, I find myself waking up at 06:50 in the morning, slightly disheveled, though that stage always seems to have passed by seven. Though, of course, nothing ever seems so go right when I need it to, and so this morning was a bit of a disaster. Sleeping right through my alarm, I woke up at twenty to eight, and it seemed everybody and everything was determined to hold me back from preparing for school: I happened to be on receiving end of some terrible makeup (of which I had to re-do), hair that seemed unable to cooperate, and a dizzy spell. I've never even had a dizzy spell before. All in all, I looked like an absolute wreck.

Then, it turned out I had a science test that I failed to revise for; I did terrible. The questions weren't exactly difficult, but either I hadn't learnt them, or I would've needed to revise and refresh my memory, in able to have the ability to answer them correctly. Fingers crossed I haven't done too bad. (However, I'm pretty sure I have.)

In the end, however, my judgement day too bad, though I suppose it could've gone much better. In all honesty, I feel I failed to hit it off with the majority of people there, but that doesn't mean I won't tomorrow.. Ha.

A lot of the time, I just feel as if I'm a replacement, or burdening whoever it is I happen to become friends with, and right now, I feel pretty different about the whole concept. Though, as usual, I do feel a bit of a burden, and that just cannot be helped. It's a bit daunting walking around with a load of Year 9's, even if you are on the same wavelength as them. We all have insecurities, and that's just one of mine. 

On the subject of insecurities, today my friend, Amy, was talking about how she felt intellectually inferior lately, and I just felt the need to address the issue. In her case, specifically, that is. Basically, she isn't. It's built in us, often enough, to be slightly less good at stuff than others. We, as who we are, are better at things than others, and these advantages and disadvantages balance out. And though this is true, this just doesn't apply to her. Being a bit behind on your ICT coursework doesn't make you stupid, or worse than anybody else, and it's quite normal to go through a phase where you're feeling unworthy of the intellectuality expected of you. 

Really though, she has no reason to feel like that; a bit more revision, a bit of a catch-up, and she'll have caught up with everybody else in no time. And then just like that, the rest of the slightly pessimistic worries will be gone. I think a lot of people go through times of trouble such as this one, and all these people really need, is encouragement from their friends. Hopefully I'm considered as one of her friends. If I'm not, this is slightly awkward. Nevertheless, even if I wasn't a friend of hers, I'd still mean every word I've said.

Moving onto a happier, slightly less heartfelt note, I've learnt some new songs on the guitar, and my tuning skills are progressing extremely well! I believe I'm now advanced enough to begin learning songs, possibly, by Nick Drake; to be able to play Cello Song, accompanied by the violin and bongo drums, is a dream of mine. A pathetic dream to you, an extraordinary dream to me.

Unfortunately, I will have to depart now, as my social and cultural homework is calling me. Not that I'll do it. More so, my excessive procrastination is calling me. 

P.S: Listen to the album Heza by Generationals, if you have time. It's so worth it.