Judgement Day & Insecurities

Today, was what you may call, my judgement day; by this, I mean, I was introduced to a new group of friends, and had to endure the rather terrifying horror of having to introduce myself to them. Hopefully, I gave off a good first impression, and an eccentric mien. However, I cannot help but feel that today really wasn't my day.

Usually, I find myself waking up at 06:50 in the morning, slightly disheveled, though that stage always seems to have passed by seven. Though, of course, nothing ever seems so go right when I need it to, and so this morning was a bit of a disaster. Sleeping right through my alarm, I woke up at twenty to eight, and it seemed everybody and everything was determined to hold me back from preparing for school: I happened to be on receiving end of some terrible makeup (of which I had to re-do), hair that seemed unable to cooperate, and a dizzy spell. I've never even had a dizzy spell before. All in all, I looked like an absolute wreck.

Then, it turned out I had a science test that I failed to revise for; I did terrible. The questions weren't exactly difficult, but either I hadn't learnt them, or I would've needed to revise and refresh my memory, in able to have the ability to answer them correctly. Fingers crossed I haven't done too bad. (However, I'm pretty sure I have.)

In the end, however, my judgement day too bad, though I suppose it could've gone much better. In all honesty, I feel I failed to hit it off with the majority of people there, but that doesn't mean I won't tomorrow.. Ha.

A lot of the time, I just feel as if I'm a replacement, or burdening whoever it is I happen to become friends with, and right now, I feel pretty different about the whole concept. Though, as usual, I do feel a bit of a burden, and that just cannot be helped. It's a bit daunting walking around with a load of Year 9's, even if you are on the same wavelength as them. We all have insecurities, and that's just one of mine. 

On the subject of insecurities, today my friend, Amy, was talking about how she felt intellectually inferior lately, and I just felt the need to address the issue. In her case, specifically, that is. Basically, she isn't. It's built in us, often enough, to be slightly less good at stuff than others. We, as who we are, are better at things than others, and these advantages and disadvantages balance out. And though this is true, this just doesn't apply to her. Being a bit behind on your ICT coursework doesn't make you stupid, or worse than anybody else, and it's quite normal to go through a phase where you're feeling unworthy of the intellectuality expected of you. 

Really though, she has no reason to feel like that; a bit more revision, a bit of a catch-up, and she'll have caught up with everybody else in no time. And then just like that, the rest of the slightly pessimistic worries will be gone. I think a lot of people go through times of trouble such as this one, and all these people really need, is encouragement from their friends. Hopefully I'm considered as one of her friends. If I'm not, this is slightly awkward. Nevertheless, even if I wasn't a friend of hers, I'd still mean every word I've said.

Moving onto a happier, slightly less heartfelt note, I've learnt some new songs on the guitar, and my tuning skills are progressing extremely well! I believe I'm now advanced enough to begin learning songs, possibly, by Nick Drake; to be able to play Cello Song, accompanied by the violin and bongo drums, is a dream of mine. A pathetic dream to you, an extraordinary dream to me.

Unfortunately, I will have to depart now, as my social and cultural homework is calling me. Not that I'll do it. More so, my excessive procrastination is calling me. 

P.S: Listen to the album Heza by Generationals, if you have time. It's so worth it.

Summer

I'm guessing it's not too shocking, when I share that my summer of 2012 was not spent as well as it could've been. If you know me, you'll know I tend to spend a lot of my time doing things that involve a lack of face-to-face socialization: writing, reading, playing guitar, talking to internet friends, listening to music. As much as I enjoy talking to people, if they don't invite me out, I'm not going anywhere.

And that summer, to be frank, I didn't really go anywhere. Which is why I plan on making this summer perfect - or rather, as close to perfect I can get, in North East England. Don't get me wrong, I did find it respectably enjoyable sitting on my lazy arse all day, reblogging and Tweeting and so on, but this year, I plan on being a bit more.. spontaneous. I want to go on adventures.

You know the kind: morning walks, inside jokes, perfect playlists. That last one means a lot to me, honestly. So much, that, using my excessive spare time, I have compiled and composed a list of songs adding up to this playlist, named Peach Squash Sunday.

1. I Will Be Blessed by Ben Howard
2. Shuffle by Bombay Bicycle Club
3. Atlas Hands by Benjamin Francis Leftwich
4. Come Talk To Me by Bon Iver
5. When They Fight, They Fight by Generationals
6. Place To Be by Nick Drake
7. Eight Days A Week by The Beatles
8. Oh, It Is Love by HelloGoodbye

That playlist literally took me so long to compose. Mental breakdowns did take place, when I realized it was simply not possible to have every song on my iPhone included. Sad times.

During the summer, I also plan to do stuff I wouldn't usually do (go outside, ha), though I guess I'm yet to decide the extent of what exactly I'd be doing. I have always wanted to busk, but I'm too scared to sing in front of people. What if I can't sing and play guitar, at the same time? What if I mess up? What if I'm terrible? This is something for the daredevil Amy to discuss with herself, not me. Two different people, completely.

Of course, the only people holding up this entire plans, are my friends. It'd be a bit sad if I had to do all this stuff by myself, and would also make a few of my plans near impossible. Or they would at least make me look a bit crazy, which I suppose I am. However, that's irrelevant right now.

All in all, I want a good summer. I just hope that isn't too much to ask for.

The Social Scale

Yes, that's right. I have such a little life, and such a big amount of time on my hands, that I decided to make a social scale. This scale, I'm presuming, works generally in most schools, but I wouldn't really know. If it doesn't, then I'm guessing I'm kind of stuffed, aren't I? Now, into serious mode...

Every school has a social scale. If you don't believe your school has one you are, quite frankly, in denial. This is probably because you're somewhat kind, and choose not to believe such "stereotypical things" (as much as it is stereotypical, it is true). However, more than likely, it may be due to the fact that you are at the bottom of the scale, and are in denial to such a thing. Either way, the social scale still exists. Unfortunately.

To put it simply, there are eleven categories; inside these are sub-categories, but we'll come to those later. The categories go as followed, first mentioned being the highest in the social scale, and last mentioned being, unfortunately, the lowest:

• Populars
• Friends of the populars
• Liked by everybody
• Wanna-be's
• "Rebels"
• Gossipers
• (Stereotypical) Fangirls
• Nerds
• Hated people
• Underclass 
• Nutcases

Now that we have that covered, let's discuss in a bit further detail what each of the people positioned in these categories represent. We'll start from the lowest, and work our way upwards from then on.

To begin with, are our nutcases. Though these people may be genuinely nice, once you've been classed as a nutcase, there's no chance of anybody seeing you as anything otherwise. To become a nutcase, as such, you'd have to have done something pretty weird. An example is, at my school, there is an extremely tall boy in year eight, who runs around the school grounds a lot, stating he's a monster and that he should be feared. He also happened to fall asleep during a school concert once, and oh, how I wish I was making this up. Often enough, these nutcases get ridiculed by the "rebels" and above, and just as usually, they don't care.

Next, we have the underclass. Now these people aren't particularly hated, but rather, seem to grind on just about everyone's nerves. Occasionally, the people who are liked by everybody talk to them, though this is presumably just to make sure that they don't have anything against them. Everybody has a reputation to keep. That's essential to remember.

Following on, are our hated people. This is on the basis that they are generally hated by people at school: not everybody hates them. There are sub-categories here, which will now be established, and go as shown:

• Hated for "Good Reason":

This could be because they have, or formerly, bullied somebody above their rank on the social scale. For example, we have a girl at my school who has tried to split many friendship groups, has called more than enough people fat, and has joined it egging somebody's house. Not a very nice person, and so, you could say she deserves it. Many people at my school think so. If they do apologize for what they have done, however, I will take back such thing, and say they don't deserve it.

• Hated for No Reason:

This could be because they are overweight, or due to their sexuality, or a physical attribute they can't change. Either way, it's ridiculous, and these people are hated, only because they don't fit society's norms.

We then proceed to have our nerds. You are placed in this category if you have been called a nerd at least nine to ten times in the past year or so. Though nerds are low on the social scale, they do often interact with those above them, as they are believed to have test answers and so on. Please, do welcome back our sub-categories:

• Nerds who are nerds because they are smart:

These people actually aren't nerds, but because they are intelligent, they are classed as so. Not much else to say.

• Nerds who are nerds because they like nerdy things:

These people can also be placed in the fangirl category, but are mostly positioned here due to the fact that they fangirl over what may be considered as nerdy to other people. Examples: Doctor Who, Portal, Lord of the Rings, Sherlock.

• Nerds who are both:

An example is me. I am both smart and enjoy nerdy things more than others. Usually these nerds find most enjoyment talking to other nerds of their kind, a few exceptions being made here and there.

Fangirls are just about on the same level as nerds, only millimeters above; this is because they obsess over things that are not nerdy. This works as an advantage to these fangirls, as many people on the social scale above them will also like these things, and rare opportunities will arrive for the fangirls to move up the ladder. If they want to, that is. On the subject, nerds very rarely go up the social scale, for the pure reason that they don't want to. I know for sure that me, and my friends, are pretty happy and content with where we are now.

Examples of what these fangirls obsess over include: One Direction, YouTubers (nerds also obsess over YouTubers, but the YouTubers fangirls obsess over include danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, and also, JennaMarbles), Justin Bieber. These fangirls also like to pretend they know a thing or two about Tumblr.. they don't.

Moving on, are the gossipers. Gossipers usually stay hidden, but are higher up on the social scale as they interact more with what we call the populars, for the obvious reason that they know the latest news. It is actually a mystery to me to how they receive this information, but I am going to presume that they use their 'friends', varying in their positions on the social scale, squeezing every last bit of gossip out of them. After the gossipers know something, there's no stopping the rumours from spreading round like wildfire. And trust me, they always do.

"Rebels" come next, and ,please, take extra notice of the quotation marks. By rebels, I mean this:

The time of people, usually boys attempting to impress their classmates, doing stupid things mostly during lessons. They think they're funny, but really, they're not: fact.

Overall, the "rebels" definition of funny is shouting something inappropriate out in class, or at absolute most, standing up on their chair. Yes, I am serious. The most extreme thing ever to happen was a boy called Kensey, in my class last year, walking out of a lesson, and running down the corridor like a maniac, before hiding. Bare in mind, that I was in top set. *slow claps*

They also have a thing for annoying people to no end, usually and most likely people around the nerds categorization; the best thing we can do, as collective nerds, is ignore (and ridicule, ha) them.

Ah, the wanna-be's come next, and they are possibly the worst of the worst. Somehow, they believe themselves to be more popular than they ever will be, and are surprisingly arrogant, given how many people strongly dislike them. I'd like to say there were sub-categories of wanna-be's, but sadly, at my school, there are not. For some unknown reason, I am hated by just about everybody in this group but, to be frank, I don't really care.

Now, is probably our smallest category, that being the liked-by-everybody type of people. They're sub-categorized into two majorly different categories:

• The genuinely nice people:

These people usually tend to hang around with the friends of the populars, but not so much the populars themselves. They, unlike the other liked-by-everybody type, are loyal and also trustworthy, and all in all would make very good members of the Hufflepuff house.

• Evil Slytherins:

Now, I know, I know, just because people are Slytherins, this does not make them evil. However, in this case, these people are sly and cunning like a Slytherin, and also evil, therefore making them the evil Slytherins I have previously referenced them as. They're two-faced, pretending they're genuinely nice.. but not really. They talk to the populars and spread your secrets amongst your friends, faster than you could say your own name. Unless your name is an extremely long name, in which case, you're irrelevant.

We're beginning to approach the ending of the social scale; however, it is far from over. Friends of the populars are categorized with the name because they are what they're said to be. They are friends of popular people, but are not popular enough themselves to be on the same level as them. I've said popular way too many times, and now I feel like a fool. Silly me. Usually these friends are lifelong, and they tend to have known each other since early years (nursery and reception).

And finally, behold... THE POPULAR PEOPLE. I'm cringing at the underlining there, but it needed to be done, the emphasis needed to be created. However pathetic it may seem, these people really do rule the school. Even if they don't know it, people sometimes cower at their presence, intimidated by their power. In a way, it's what makes school feel more like a death sentence, than anything. Upsetting times.

Occasionally, there will be exceptions in this scale, such as making room for the odd goth or two, or the average-ish person who really doesn't fit anywhere. In that case, they're kind of a muggle. Or rather, a squib. They know what's happening in this world, surrounded by a bubble, and they're stuck on the outside of it.

And there you have it, my pathetic social scale. Indeed, that's what I do with my life; indeed, I am proud. Adios, and good night, my non-existent readers. Don't judge me too hard for this post; I found it so hilariously fun to write.

Opinions (Oh Dear)

Of which I have a lot of, needless to say; it's the reason I'm so hateable. According to my mother, it runs in the family, which basically means the Curle family is very hated. (The irony here is that my name is an anagram of cruel.) I'd say that was a bad thing, but considering how awkward I first find it to talk to new people, I think it's a blessing, disguised as a curse. 

An example of my extreme opinions, is my social/culture homework. We were told to do about half a page for homework, discussing who we would vote for between Labour, Conservative and Liberal Democrats, in an election. I wrote six pages. Quite literally, six whole pages. It may not seem like much, but given we were set the task of only doing up to a page maximum, and half the people in my class didn't even complete it... it ended up looking like a whole lot more than it was.

In my defense, I had to write a lot more, since I chose not to vote for any of the candidates. Therefore, I had to explain my reasons for not voting for each party, which took about three hours to do, procrastinating included. All in all, I finished it at one in the morning. Only to find out my social/culture teacher would not be checking our books, as we have now been given more homework to do. Here comes another essay and a half. 

My opinions often cause a bit of banter/conflict/arguing between me and my friends, as well. More specifically, I got into a pretty giant argument with a friend, and due to my extreme stubbornness, at one point I didn't talk to him for a month and a half. On the bright side, I haven't actually had a conflict with him for a while now! That's been left more to my other friends, who believe the best way to friendship is insulting me, and even worse, the things I like. If somebody insults something I like, they're doomed. Happy days.

...I've completely lost my trail of thoughts here, I'm sorry. I had javelin today, so let's just blame it on that, shall we? For future references, I am terrible at javelin. Seriously. Terrible. 

Friends

I change friends a lot. I really don't mean to, but if they annoy me, I honestly just can't deal with them. Unfortunately, people annoy me easily, usually because I disagree with things they say: sexist comments, intentional racial abuse, dissing my fandoms. It's a hard life.

However, recently I've found myself in a very good position, this being that I think I've found friends I may actually want to continue being friends with. By that, I mean, I don't really think they're the type of people to say the offensive comments aforementioned. 

One disadvantage is that they're in the year above me, which I feel is basically fate laughing manically in my face. Ugh. However, I literally refuse to let this get in the way. I'm aware that sounds corny and cheesy, as much as I'm aware the people I'm talking about are probably reading this right now, but too damn bad. 

Also, a certain male, slightly shorter, version of me wanted a mention in this post.. he's not getting one. I kid, I kid. There's your mention, appreciate it. 

Basically though, they are the first properly nerdy people I have met, just like me, and I refuse to let an opportunity like this slip through my fingers. Once again, cheesy. All I mean, is that I really can't turn down the chance to be friends with a bunch of Sherlockians and Whovians, can I?

All in all, I think I'm probably the happiest I've ever been with my friends right now, and if they're reading this, just so you know, I hate you. Kidding. (I need better jokes.) I love you, really. Even though the majority of you, I've only known for two days. But ssh.

Now I must go and write more blog posts, in an attempt to make my life look interesting. Before you ask, it really isn't.